Helbig Hangs up His Skates (at least for this season)

Toronto (Bandit Press) - For Immediate Release

Bandit Press has just learned that Jason Helbig has decided to hang up
his skates, at least for the remainder of the season. With Helbig out of
the picture the Bandits now must focus their attention on signing
another high-profile free-agent. Front runners to replace Helbig's big
skates on the Bandits first line include the lesser-likes of Brendan
Shanahan and Mats Sundin.

Bandit Press

Bandits Tie Road Runners 3-3

Bandits Special Feature: Separated at Birth

Bet you didn't know Scott used to be a cartoon character? For more info, see Tintin.

Bones Stick it to Bandits

- Toronto (Bandit Press)

The TO Bandits were in action Tuesday night against the burly Bone's Brigade. The Bandits were clearly a shaken team from the disturbing scene in their dressing room before the game. As the Bandits watched the depressingly great skating 10 year olds, little did they know someone was decorating their dressing room with litter, garbage, rejected sporting equipment, and many other unmentionable items. With so little feng shui appeal, the decorating only served to provoke girly screams of histeria and hanger. The clearly distracted Bandits, not able to compose themselves for the start of the game managed to lose to the Brigade 4-2. See thumbnail for the official scoresheet. Forgive the poor quality of the image ....While Bandit Press strives to provide our readers with as much information as possible on our beloved Bandits, this week will require input from other writers as this one is at home watching children the rest of the week and therefore can only provide a scanned scoresheet and a final score.

Bandit Profiles: Johnny "Bleuet" Locicero

Bandit Press is taking advantage of a an idle week in the Toronto Bandits' schedule to bring you our first in a series of Bandit player special profiles. The profiles are aimed at bringing the team closer to Bandit faithful.

Our first profile is of netminder Johnny "Bleuet" Locicero who, very few would know, started life in la belle Province in the Lac Saint-Jean region before being drafted in the early 1990's 1st overall and first ever goalie by the Bandits. Nobody remembers that season of course, since only two of the original Bandits drafted remain on the team. The only other original Bandit is former team rep Andrew Posluns, who will be featured in our next special profile.

Locicero's heritage is of course Italian, as anyone can see from his name, but on his mother's side very few would know, Johnny was not only French-Canadian, but a Fortin no less. That's the side that knows how to play hockey obviously for it is a true hockey name if there ever was one. P'tit Jean's maman was of no relation to current Bandit GM Marcel Fortin.

Locicero plays an unconventional style of hockey since he plays both as upright and buttefly goalie, or flat on his ass some nights, depending on the type of scotch he's had before a game. No blends please! And of course, all Bandit followers know the disaster that looms if Johnny has not had a chance to consume a tipple at all before a game, or a basket of fries from the Rinx Cantina.

As successful as Locicero is on the ice, he is also obviously quite a story off the ice as he has the distinction of driving the nicest car out of any of the Bandits. We're not sure what he does for a living, but he seems to always be wearing eye protection and often fields phone calls from a woman named Belinda in the dressing room.

Keep reading tobandits.blogspot.com for our late, very late breaking stories about the Toronto Bandits Hockey Club.

Helbig, Sundin Remain Silent about Future

Toronto Hockey News (staff) -

Not unlike Niedermayer and Selanne before them, long-time Toronto Bandits stars Jason Helbig and Mats Sundin are remaining silent about their future as professional hockey players. The general impression in the Queen City is that Helbig and Sundin are holding their team, supporters and all of Toronto up for ransom. The reality is that with the salary cap situation the way it is, it's unlikely the Bandits will be able to hold down two spots for both Sundin and Helbig. As for who between the two would get a spot if they did decide to join the team, it remains unclear as neither Sundin or Helbig have been in touch with Bandits GM Fortin. In fact, no cheque has arrived from Helbig, which has lead to widespread speculation that Helbig is either entertaining offers from other clubs or is truly contemplating retirement.

THN

Bandits Light up the Green Lanterns

TORONTO - (Bandit Press)

Action in the True North Hockey League's Clancy Division resumed last night with a penalty filled tilt which saw the Bandits taking on the Green with Envy Lanterns. The unruly Bandits edged the Boys in Green by a score of 5 - 3 in a come from behind win which saw a total of nine minor penalties and two game ejections assessed to both teams. The Bandits were assessed the major load of penalties taking seven of the nine minors while the more disciplined G.L.s managed only two. Richard Mad Man Barlow was ejected from the game late in the 3rd when he levelled Geoff Soloway for having shoved Junior B. in the kidneys while on a breakaway. Soloway was also sent to an early shower for his role in the altercation.

CLICK ON ABOVE THUMBNAIL TO SEE OFFICIAL SCORESHEET

Barlow opened the scoring for the surging Bandits in the first period, which ended 1-1 following the equalizer by the Lanterns at the 9:25 mark. The Green Lanterns scored two quick goals in the second period to earn a 3-1 lead that would last until the seven minute mark of the second frame when Barlow scored his second goal of the night to make it 3-2 . The Bandits pulled away from the Greeners in the third when Dennis Papadatos scored two goals keeping him atop of the Bandit scoring list and third in the league with eight points. Tetley Tea Bag Man Rick Prebble scored an empty netter to put the game away at the end of the period.

ICE NOTES: As suspected, Marcel Fortin was kept off the score sheet by an unattentive official who failed to see his wonderful pass to Papadatos in the slot who slammed the pass into the net for the game winner in the third period.

Bandits Run Over by Roadrunners

TORONTO (Bandit Press) - The Toronto Bandits were in semi-action again last night losing to the lowly Roadrunners 3 - 1. The uneventful tilt of the bottom end of the Clancy Division saw the Runners take a quick 2 - 0 lead in the first period. The Roadrunners pulled away in the third scoring early at 3:34 making the score 3 - 0. The Bandits managed to make it somewhat interesting later in the third when Dennis Papadatos assisted by Tony Manocchio and Rick "Texas Hold 'em" Prebble scored the lone Bandits goal of the evening.

CLICK ON THE IMAGE THUMBNAIL TO VIEW OFFICIAL SCORESHEET

The loss by the Bandits leaves them with a record of 1-3-2, good enough for last place in the Clancy Division either tied with Bones Brigade if the Boners lost last night. If the Brigadettes lost, the Bandits are in sole possession of the bottom of the division.

The Bandits' next game is October 28th, on Rinx 2 as they take on the Green Lanterns who currently sit in third place in the division.

ICE NOTES: League officials readjusted the Clancy division this week sending down the punching bag Fury to the Day Division and brought up the 4-1-0 (before last night's game) Mojo Mardi. The Tuesday Mojos currently, along with the Bandits hold down 4 of the top 5 spots in the Knucklehead standings. Unfortunately Bandits fans will have to wait until December
before they see their team take on the Mojos.

Bandits Unleash Fury on Fury

Toronto - (Bandit Press)

The Toronto Bandits improved to 1-2-2 last night with a 4 - 0 win against a Fearful Fury squad. Richie Notsorich Barlow topped all goal scorers with his second consecutive hat trick of the season, and a natural one no less. Not to be outdone, Bandits backup goaltender Eugene Attila Horvath not only posted a shutout for his efforts on the night but also countered Barlow's prowess with two-thirds of a hat-trick of assists.

CLICK ON THUMBNAIL ABOVE TO VIEW OFFICIAL SCORESHEET

Also assisting on goals were OuiOui Dennis (say it in french, it rhymes) Papadatos, Tatoo Tony Manocchio with two, Andrew BlocCoalition Posluns with one, and Scott McKinnon with an unofficial one that evaded the referee's attention when he cleared the puck to Posluns at the blue line who then unleashed a beautiful pass to set Barlow free on a breakaway for his last goal of the night. The last tally on the night was credited to Papadatos, despite his arguments with referees against being the last man to touch the puck.

Goalie Horvath basked in the attention of adoring fans after the game and when asked about the shutout he credited defenceman Marcel BochnerCandidate Fortin for his success on the evening. "Since Fortin didn't even seem to see or know where his skates were all night, I figured I'd better find my A-game".

ICE NOTES: The Bandits managed the win despite a very short bench of only four substitute lungs (that's two skaters for those of you who can't divide).

NEXT BANDITS GAME: Bandits take on the Roadrunners on Rinx 3 at 9:00 on October 21st.

Bandits Strong in Loss to Bones - Bottle Drive Still Underway

TORONTO - (Bandit Press)

The Bandits were in action again last night and put on quite a show for their fans despite ending up on the losing end of a 9-6 score against the Bones Brigade. The first half of the game was marked by a volley of goals between the Bandits and the Bitchy Bones and finished with a tied score of 1-1 by the end of the first frame. The Bandits opened the scoring on a goal by Richie Barlow assisted by Greg Prata. The Bandits then took a short-lived two goal lead on a goal by Dennis Papadatos assisted by Rick Prebble and Marcel Fortin. The BBs scored two quick ones to tie the score.

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR OFFICIAL SCORESHEET

The volley continued into the second period but the Bones slowly started pulling away all the while remaining chirpy, bitchy, and ugly. Fortin opened the scoring for the Bandits in the 2nd frame, assisted but not documented by the refs by Papadatos. Bandits closed out the scoring in the second on a goal by Barlow assisted by Evan Dion. Bandits were outscored in the middle stanza by four goals, three by the Iron Lunged number 00 for the Bones.

The Bandits managed a resurgence in the 3rd with 2 more goals but just didn't have enough in them as they could not contain 00 who tallied another 2 of the 3 Bones goals. Goals by the Bandits by Prata, assisted by Andrew Posluns and Barlow who also scored his third of the night on a pretty goal on an even prettier assist by Dennis Papadatos who sent the puck to a streaking Barlow half the length of the ice. Barlow, who had just come onto the ice from a two minute penalty, was given a clear path to the goalie who got one sniff of Barlow's equipment and ceded most of the net to make the Bandit forward look good.

ICE NOTES: Greg Prata took an early shower in the third period when he was assessed a third minor penalty for the night and an early exit to the lovely scented and decorated Bandits locker room.

The Bandits take on Fury next week on Rinx 1 at 11:15. Fans are encouraged to buy tickets early to support their team.

BOTTLE DRIVE UPDATE

The new salary cap imposed by the TNHL is still wreaking havoc with the Bandits ledgers. There are still players who have not paid up yet and there are a few who are nearly there but still need to provide management with that extra $25.00 agreed upon at the beginning of the season. Reached for comment, Bandits GM Money Bags Fortin said he had no fear at all of reaching the cap soon and that he doesn't want this to be a distraction to his team as it claws its way to the playoffs. He noted that what was most important was that the flow of cash not hamper the team from sipping a few following the reasonably scheduled games and of course prevent his family from eating.

Bandits Lose First Game

TORONTO - (Hillcrest Wire News Service)

We played what I thought to be a competitive game despite the final outcome. Our shoots on goal surely out weighted theirs in the first two periods but................. Two players or the other team, numbers 49 and 77 seamed to kick into high gear using us as pylons in the third period.

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR WEEK 3 OFFICIAL SCORE SHEET

I’m happy that we conversed prior to game time and established that we were going to have a short bench. Richards buddy turned out to be pretty good despite leaving his defensive position a little too often. Our final line-up was two forward lines and three “D” making it a fun game to play. One less guy and we would have been too pooped leading into the second period. I hope we continue to keep the team up to date on the attendance and possibly have a few of our friends wanting to play now and again.

Greg Prata for HWNS

Bandit Memo - Bandit Waiver Online

Bandit Memo
From the desk of: Marcel Fortin, LW, D, MB, Coach, GM
RE: Bandit Waiver Reminder

------------------------------------------------------

Bandits, I've loaded the team waiver, the legal one, if anyone has any jitters about signing the online one. This is the pdf of the waiver
http://www.library.utoronto.ca/maplib/temp/BanditWaiver.pdf

Print it out, sign it, make sure you print out your address and phone number; bring it to the game on Tuesday, unless you have signed one online.

Next Game: September 30, 10:10 Rinx 2 vs. Smashing Pumpkin Soup

Good luck and I'll see you on October 7th, 8:10 vs. Bone's Brigade

Marcel

Bandits Remain Undefeated

TORONTO - (Bandit Press)

The Toronto Bandits remain undefeated after two weeks of play surprising none of their fans again this week with their characteristic passing, skating, and shooting style as they tied the Green Hornets 1 - 1. Despite surrendering the lead early in the first period, the Banditos tied the game up in the third period on a goalmouth tip-in from "Potato Skin" himself, Eugene Horvath. The goal was assisted by Mean Mike Eddy and Dennis "Ace of Bass" Papadatos.
(Click on pink thumbnail for official scoresheet)

Ice Notes: Greg Prata was conspicuously absent from the game and may face a suspension for previously inciting everyone to attend bar room activities following this week's match while being himself a no show to both the game and the patio. Coach and GM Fortin was heard rumbling that this was unacceptable from the veteran player but that he was sure Prata would make amends by buying everyone a large poutine and a pitcher of beer. (Eugene, you better show up for that one!) Defenceman, come Left Winger, come money bags Marcel Fortin will be absent from the game next week in order to scout players in the Algonquin Park Hockey League. "While it's quite a Bush League, they do serve up some nice drinks on the dock up there", said Fortin when questioned by Bandit Press about his trip.

League Notes: League officials urge all Bandits to please sign the online waiver even if they have signed multiple paper copies thus far. Because of a legal issue and because they are stupid, please sign the waiver, no matter what. See: http://tobandits.blogspot.com/2008/09/waiver-documents-void-true-north.html

Could Lemieux be Headed for a Bandit Tryout

Sources close to Bandits GM Marcel Fortin say that Claude Lemieux may be making a comeback this year and he doesn't want to play for any other team than the Bandits. Lemieux will be remembered for his four Stanley Cups, none with the Bandits. See full story at
NHL Bandits wooed by Lemieux

Waiver Documents Void - True North

For Official Release - (True North Hockey)
League officials learned from their lawyers last night that a series of leaked false documents from True North head office have rendered all waivers signed by league players so far void.
Players are being urged to visit https://www.truenorthhockey.com/pgs/registration/winter08_09/PlayerWaiver.shtml to sign a new waiver, even if a waiver was signed before.

Free Agent McKinnon Joins Bandits Replacing Helbig

TORONTO - (Bandit Press)
Long-time Bandit star Jason Helbig has decided to take a break from his distinguished hockey career to reflect on his future; spend more time with his family; and to play more video games. Helbig has let it be known he is considering a future in Europe. As a result of the salary
cap space left open by Helbig's temporary departure, Bandits GM Marcel Fortin has inked free agent Scott McKinnon. McKinnon is known as a versatile player with a penchant for playing both defense and left-wing. At the hastily called and poorly attended Bandits press conference this
morning, McKinnon was quoted as saying: "I can't wait to lace them up with these guys, I hear some of them can even skate backwards".

- Bandit Press Staff

Rick Prebble Turns down offer to stay with Bandits

TORONTO - (Bandit Press)

Bandits fans are rejoicing in Toronto today as Unrestricted Free Agent forward #69 Rick "Sleepy" Prebble signed a new one year deal to stay with his beloved Bandits. Prebble, who was reached for comment at his holiday home in Scarborough today was quoted as saying: "Listen, when you've been playing with these great guys for so long and you've got the opportunity to play with them now without fear of seeing Graudins' hairy back in the shower after a game anymore, man, you jump at that chance."

Prebble is scheduled to start at center next week as long as he's in shape following what was a long and arduous set of negotiations these past two months with Bandits brass.

- Bandit Press staff

The Bandits had a great first week back in action after a long layoff. Nothing like two lines of forwards and two lines of D with some stellar work in nets to bring out the best in this year's Bandits as they skated to a 2 all tie with the Beep Beep Roadrunners.

The first goal of the season was by none other than the big number 13 Mats Posluns assisted by Richie "Comeback Kid" Barlow and Mr. Magic himself Greg Prata.

The tying goal was credited to Dennis Papadatos despite the fact that the goal should obviously have been in the books as being by the hard-working blueliner and all round nice-guy Marcel "Blogman" Fortin. ;-) The goal was assisted by Tony Manocchio and Eugene "The Crease" Horvath.

CLICK ON IMAGE FOR OFFICIAL SCORESHEET

Ice notes: The Bandits were clearly in better shape this year having obviously benefitted from the departure of some dead wood on Defence.

Bandits take to the ice again on September 23rd at 6:00 at Rinx 3 vs Green Lanterns. (someone insert an Graudins joke here). Plenty of good seats are still available.

Schedule and Scores

Date Time Rink Home Score Away Score Sep 16 9:20 Rinx 1 Roadrunners 2 Bandits 2 Sep 23 6:00 Rinx 3 Bandits 1 Green Lanterns 1 Sep 30 10:10 Rinx 2 Smashing Pumpkins 4 Bandits 0 Oct 7 8:10 Rinx 2 Bandits 6 Bone's Brigade 9 Oct 14 11:15 Rinx 1 Bandits 4 Fury 0 Oct 21 9:00 Rinx 3 Roadrunners 3 Bandits 1 Oct 28 6:10 Rinx 2 Bandits 5 Green Lanterns 3 Nov 4 3:33 Bye Week Smashing Pumpkins bye Bandits bye Nov 11 8:20 Rinx 1 Bandits 2 Bone's Brigade 4 Nov 18 11:10 Rinx 2 Bandits 3 Roadrunners 3 Nov 25 9:20 Rinx 1 Smashing Pumpkins 4 Bandits 2 Dec 2 6:10 Rinx 2 Bandits 1 Mojo Mardi 2 Dec 9 10:20 Rinx 1 Green Lanterns Bandits Dec 16 8:00 Rinx 3 Bandits Smashing Pumpkins Dec 23 11:00 Rinx 3 Bone's Brigade Bandits Dec 30 9:20 Rinx 1 Mojo Mardi Bandits Jan 6 7:00 Rinx 3 Roadrunners 8 Bandits 1 Jan 13 10:00 Rinx 3 Bandits 1 Green Lanterns 8 Jan 20 8:10 Rinx 2 Smashing Pumpkins 6 Bandits 2 Jan 27 11:10 Rinx 2 Bandits 2 Bone's Brigade 4 Feb 3 9:00 Rinx 3 Bandits 7 Mojo Mardi 3 Feb 10 6:00 Rinx 3 Bandits 2 Roadrunners 2 Feb 17 10:10 Rinx 2 Green Lanterns Bandits